Love Yourself First

“Everyone is you pushed out.” ~ Neville Goddard

You can love million of people and innumerable amount of creatures on this Planet but that would be not enough if you don’t love the person, who looks at you back in the mirror. Yes, I am talking about you, that someone, who pushes you out of the bed every morning. That one, who takes care of you every single day. And to love that person back is the least that you could do.

It is not selfish to love yourself. And there is nothing wrong if you care for your body, soul and mind. In fact, if you don’t do it, most likely there is something wrong with you. Don’t tell me you love them too much that you simply don’t have time for yourself. It is not love. Because if you do, there is always be time for the most important person in your life, which is you of course.

Putting yourself first is not a bad thing. If you do it, that doesn’t mean you are bad guy, who is arrogant and thinks that the world only revolves around them. It means that you respect yourself enough and have a self value. Which also means that you treat the people around you the same way as you treat yourself. You give what you have within you. And as everyone is you pushed out, you get what you have given and had withing yourself.

If you love yourself enough you can give enormous amount of love to others. If you don’t, there is no much love for people who are next to you. Love can’t be limited. But you always have to start with yourself. You can’t take care of someone if you can’t take care of yourself first. It’s like with the safety on a plane: put your oxygen mask first, before assisting others. It’s simple. Love yourself first, before loving someone else.

Just a brief reminder for you guys that self love is essential. In these challenging times we often forget that and unwittingly deprive ourselves of love. It’s time to give yourself what you deserve. And that’s your LOVE. Don’t be greedy, give as much as you can.

PS: Sending my love to you all ❤️

I Surrender Myself to You

From the moment I have met you I just knew that you are the one. I’ve never felt anything like this before. It was so new to me so I even couldn’t figure it out. I was so confused that I simply let it go without knowing what I had. We both went in different directions. I don’t know was it you or life who drifted us apart. But we both went on a solo journey.

However, I can’t lie to myself, I have been thinking about you during those seven years. I was wondering what you doing, whom you seeing or dating. Yes, I was checking your Facebook page sometimes and looking at your photos. I was in a different relationship during all that time, but you were on my mind. I guess you just knew that I wasn’t single as you kept checking my pictures as well.

Ever since we’ve got together again, the puzzle has just been solved by itself. All the pieces have come together easily. I didn’t feel the need to look any further. I’ve got exactly what I was after. Something has just clicked in my heart. Something that was missing all those years entered my soul. I felt myself complete. My wondering nature found the peace.

I have never felt so much love and gratitude in my entire live. In fact, I have never loved anyone before. I thought I did, but it was nothing what I found in you. You are my source of joy, inspiration and passion. Because of you I found my purpose. I found myself.

I am not asking you to be with me or to love me like I do. Truly, I am not asking you for anything. I am happy I got you in my life. I am thankful for the love I have for you. I am infinitely grateful that Universe has given me you. You can have all the time in the world until you decide what you want to do. Whenever you are ready I am here for you. I surrender myself to you.

The Power of Letting Go

“If you love something, let it go. If it comes back to you, its yours forever. If it doesn’t, then it was never meant to be.” ~ Unknown

I am still thinking about you even so I gave a word to myself that I need a detachment. In reality, it is much easier to do it in theory than in practice. Everyone keeps saying just let it go, walk away, disconnect, simply leave it. Sure, I do understand I have to do it. But how can I really let it go?

I had never been attached to things, people or places. When I was younger I could easily disconnect from people without self harm. I had never been addicted to anyone. The same with goods. Maybe I am just not so material but I do like nice things and I do like to treat myself. I did switch three countries in the last ten years. And if not current situation with Covid I would move to another country again with much pleasure. But I can’t disconnect from you. I simply can’t.

Yes, I have tried. I did so many practical experiments and rituals when you detach from a specific person. The more I had tried the more attached I have become. The result was an opposite I just wanted to see you even more. It didn’t help me to disconnect from you. In contrast, my desire to see you became only stronger. So I stopped doing those things.

I remember the first time I had decided to not to think of you when you were acting weird and the next day you texted me straight away. I suppose that time I still could to let go. Maybe our connection was still weak as it was only beginning. Now it has been two weeks we haven’t talked and over a month I haven’t seen you.

I do know when you let someone or something go you should feel a relief. It is a state of self freedom that giving you the power to move on, to carry on living your best life. They say let it go. If it comes back to you, it’s yours forever. I guess I have nothing to lose. I am letting you go.

PS: At this very moment when I was writing this post I received a text from him. I swear to you on my life. I even cried a little when saw a message on my phone. I assume the title speaks for itself. It does work. It is inevitable.

I Want Real You

Let’s play a gameYou be you for sometimeI am tired of your petty games.”

Unknown

I had met you in the past. I met you yesterday and I want to meet you again in the future. Every time I have approached you myself and then let you to chase me. It seems like a hide and seek game that we keep playing. And every time we just switch over. We kinda get used to it. We both enjoy the game even if it is tearing us apart.

You embrace your uniqueness and strip your neglect, making it extremely difficult to interact with you. You just love to put up stone walls around you so you can hide from the unwanted reality. If you don’t like something you prefer to shut down. Nothing can stop you if you have made a decision. But you can change your mind easily. I can never read you and I don’t know what thoughts you hold in your handsome head.

In truth, I enjoy a challenge. Nothing comes into my life easily. Even if it does I simply don’t value it. The price I have paid so far to get you is still unknown as I am still paying. Yes, I did know what it’s like to let you into my life. I was ready and I took the risk without considering consequences. I prepared to jump without getting hurt.

Once again, I like the game as I believe we all just playing different roles in a lifetime theatre. Sure, it is fun, it is amusing. You can never know what to expect and what future hold for you. Every day is a miracle with you. However, I want to be with you truly. I fed up of playing games. I want a real relationship and I want real you. I want you to love me for who I am without playing any roles.

Being Different

“Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else.”

Margaret Mead

“Well, I don’t know…” I said to my psychologist last week during our session. He promptly replied to me: “Never say that.” It made me thinking straight away why I always doubt myself. Why I am not sure even if I know what to do. There are so many things I need to consider before I force myself to make a decision. There are times when I hesitate or simply ponder about something for a long time. In contrast, I can rush into something without even considering consequences. And at the same time I am quite a moderate.

I have always had a contradictory personality. As far as I remember that has always been a case. I could shock anyone by my behaviour or actions and I still carry on doing that. In fact, I actually quite enjoy it. It just amuses me how quickly people can label others. They think they can predict someone by just their one action or just the way they look. I love to crush those boundaries and make people confused. Truly, I like to break a general stereotype that many people believe.

Surely, I am a controversial and I believe that normal. I have my views and I am also loyal to others. I don’t like labelling people and I try not to judge. I accept everyone for who they are, even if I don’t get them. I don’t have to understand everyone and I don’t have to love them. You don’t have to like me either and I am ok with it. Difference is the beauty that giving us an interesting interactions.

I just love dissimilarity between humans. I think that the only thing that holding us together. Being different is common and it is actually normal. Unfortunately, I have never thought that when I was a kid. I had always believed there was something wrong with me because I was not the same as others. Everyone around me had kept saying that I was strange. Including my own family who had kept reminding I was odd. It took me a while to realise that there is actually nothing wrong with me. The problem is not me, the problem is them and their limited thinking.

I am allowed to doubt myself if I am unsure. In opposite, I can be irrational. I let myself to be weird and crazy and I also can be boring and quiet. Yes, I am different as the majority of people and that is our benefit.

My Soul Mate

“‘What’s the difference?’ I asked him. ‘Between the love of your life, and your soulmate?’ ‘One is a choice, and one is not.”‘

Tarryn Fisher

My friend told me today “I want to one day meet my soul mate how about you?” Well, what can I say to my dearest girlfriend? Certainly, I didn’t tell her that I have already met the person who I dream to spend the rest of my life with. Obviously, she doesn’t know that my fragile heart has been taken by the man whom I have a crush on since the moment I had met him. How can I inform my lovely buddy about my mysterious relationship? To be honest, I am not even sure if I can call it a relationship.

I know I did tell him that I give him time as mush as he needs in order to decide what he wants. That means if he wishes to be with me or not. But time is an illusion and who knows how mush time he really needs? It has been a month already and I asked him yesterday if he still thinking. He said it’s a very hard question to answer right now, he can’t say anything now. “Do you even think of me at all?” I added. To which he replied solidly: “Of course I think of you.”

Patience is the key to success. In reality, it is my torture. I tempt myself not to think of him but the temptation only becomes stronger. The desire to see him and to feel him only grows day by day. I wake up with clear understanding that my dreams would have to become actions. I feel it. I know I have already found my soul mate. I feel it with all my heart.

“Sure, I want to meet my soul mate”, I mumbled to my friend. While the voice inside me advised myself: “Don’t worry hun, your soul mate is with you. He is already in your heart. Even he doesn’t know it yet, you both are meant to be together.” I smiled and continued: “I am sure our soulmates want to meet us as well. Maybe right now they are wondering where their significant others are.”

Brittle

She was brave and strong and broken all at once.”

Anna Funder

Something broke inside of me and I can’t even explain you what it’s like. Was it your coldness or cruelty, I don’t know. Sometimes I think you keep forgetting that I am not one of your mates who enjoys brutal truth. I don’t need to know that information you giving me. I want attention from you, attention you can’t give. Even small little things would make a huge difference. I would like to feel the warmth of your embrace. I want you to wrap your strong arms around me and to hold me tight. I really want to lose myself in your arms.

Instead, I collect little bits and pieces of your neglect that you chuck at me. I am forcing myself to believe that I am loved by you. I pretend to stay cool and play as nothing happened. Every time when I approach you I scroll an interminable set of scenarios in my mind. I think too carefully before I say something as I am simply scared to frighten you away.

You are the boss in our brittle relationship. And it is up to you if you want to reply or not. If you don’t like my questions you have a right to skip. You can go quiet and then you don’t even need to explain yourself. I can say nothing to you because I gave you that power. I handed it myself. I was so scared to lose you so instead I lost myself.

Feeling Empty

“We are all after something that makes the empty spaces in us make sense.”

Unknown

Have you ever felt like empty inside? Have you felt like something crucial is missing in yourself? And you trying to find this significant something but the more you try the more you feel unfulfilled.

Where is this odd feeling is coming from? It is coming from inside and is giving you the worst pain which is impossible to describe. No one actually injured you but you are hurt. Is it really ok to feel pain from the place when there is nothing at all, just a big hole. Is that a soul or maybe your spirit? Someone would whisper and you not even sure who said that. Was it your inner voice?

If it is my soul that giving me pain, how can I heal it? Is there a cure for such a thing? Do I pray? Do I need to talk to God? Maybe I just meditate and then it will stop? Well, I have tried all of the above and it still hurts. I still feel that something that tearing me apart. Some days it is just less painful and I try to ignore it but there are days I can do nothing about it.

When I had you in my life I didn’t feel the pain. I felt nothing but happiness, I was in the state of euphoria and it was the most beautiful and pleasant position that I could put myself in to. I know that happiness doesn’t last forever and I assumed that one day it should stop. But I didn’t want to think about it, I just wanted to enjoy it while I could. And I did.

They say it is better to have loved and to have lost than to have never loved at all. I totally agree with the statement, you were worth of having. You made me feel complete. I had never felt like something was missing when you were around. I am not sure if I can find that something which is absent. But I will keep trying. Even it is too dark now and the road seems to be endless. However, I firmly believe that one day I will see a light at the end of the tunnel and that day I will be whole again.

More Than a Blessing

“The world breaks everyone, and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”

– Ernest Hemingway.

And here we are collecting the bits and the pieces of ourselves again… Is it really possible to remain strong after the storm? Or is it ok to just crash down? I guess both are acceptable. In fact, you can even experience both at the same time. Nothing can hit you unless you allow it. However, very often it all happens unexpectedly and no one actually asks your permission.

For instance, love can surprisingly come into your life without any hint. Actually, in most cases that’s exactly how it happens. Just out of the blue, all of the sudden. Out of nowhere, you got covered with a wave. However, is love a disaster or a blessing? Well, it could be both. Or one could come from another. For some people it is only a grace, while for others – a catastrophe. For me personally it is a both.

And then I found you…

The moment I met you I was just fine. Nothing crashed me like a ton of bricks. There was no freight train running through my head either. Truly, I felt absolutely nothing, not a thing at all. The next moment I felt something, but couldn’t figure out what it was. After that I had a break so I guess I didn’t even understand what just happened. I simply had no time to acknowledge it, life had other plans.

When I met you again, I had fallen for you before I even realised it. You simply came around and you knocked me off the ground. The next thing I knew I was addicted to you. I was more than just crazy about you. I was hopelessly in love with you. But our love ride was too brief. I was so busy loving you so I hardly noticed a hurricane that came in.

You are more than a blessing...

But when the storm had passed and I managed to pick up the debris. I realised you were more than a blessing, even though you were sent to me from heaven. You were more than a gift from God. You were more than a destiny or fate. You were my free will and you still are.

Living In Limbo

“The first step towards getting somewhere is to decide that you are not going to stay where you are.”

J.P. Morgan

Have you ever been stuck in life, having no idea where to go and what to do? Have you ever wondered why everyone else has a vision and you are just unsure about everything what you need to do? Have you ever felt stuck in a rut? Have you ever lost the track of reality?

I assume everyone has been in limbo at some point in their life. I was in limbo after graduating from uni. Besides, I am in limbo now. I guess it all started after I had gotten out of toxic long-term relationship. That really hit me hard, I lost the ground. I basically lost myself. I was in extremely awkward and uncomfortable reality, I couldn’t function. Then I started to be more humble.

Instinctively, I still wanted to jump off the boat and swim against the stream. But somehow I did remain still on that boat. It was unusual for me to let myself to be drifted away. However, I tried to learn how to go with the flow, even though it was very odd for me. As I always get used to follow my own chosen path and no matter how hard it was I was doing in. I got used to smashing walls and breaking into closed doors. In fact, I didn’t even mind to crash every single door that remained unopened for me. I thought that was part of the plan. In order to succeed you have to go through the challenges. I couldn’t understand that this typical lifestyle was tearing me apart. Emotionally, I was dead. I destroyed myself.

Nevertheless, I managed to collect bits and pieces of myself. And I was made again from scratch. I did like the new version of me. She seemed much more stronger and even more beautiful. But there was something about her I didn’t like. She was vague in terms of her life. Surely, she knew what she wanted, but the road to her future life was too extensive and foggy.

Eventually, she decided to start walking. She was taking baby steps, but she was moving forward. While she was escaping from the life in limbo, somehow she managed to jump into relationship limbo. Which in some cases even worse. You know the state where you are both not friends, but not in the relationship either. Somewhere in between, but no one knows where this line is supposed to be. It is when someone closed, but not closed enough. They are not pushing you away, but not letting you to approach them either. They are scared to hurt you, but stab straight in your heart.

Well, what can I say? It sucks to be in limbo. It doesn’t matter in which limbo you are, it is not fun. When you are lost, uncertain or trapped in something it can be quite frustrating. However, the first thing I learned when being in the limbo is that there is no need to get out of it straight away. No need to rush yourself. Give yourself time. Yes, you are stuck and that’s ok. It is ok to be stuck sometimes. Just accept the uncertainty and acknowledge it. If you are in this place, probably there is a reason behind it. Then it’s up to you what you decide to do.

Just remember, if you are stuck it means something needs to be done to change it. It is a sign that your life is not the way you want it. It means your best is yet to come. Just be patient and keep walking.

PS: But please don’t repeat my mistake. Don’t jump from one limbo to another. One is more than enough, trust me 🙂